The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
