Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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