So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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