Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
