so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
