i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
im on a boat
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