She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
