If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
