I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
