TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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