He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Found the puke drawer
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
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So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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