Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
