Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hippo gnu deer
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
