Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
