I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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