This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
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Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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