She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
