just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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