i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
