Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
