This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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