He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
