so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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