Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
