I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
