Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
