i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
