I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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