Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
