Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
