I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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