I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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