i was rollin on her like bob the builder
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
