just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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