you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
