she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
