Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
