The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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