True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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