i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
