I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
