i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
