He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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