hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
