her vagine was all disorganized.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize