hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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