his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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