This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
