there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
