Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
