I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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