i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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