You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
