Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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