I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
