If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
