either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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