Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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