I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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