My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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