Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
