you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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