No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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