last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
