No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
