sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
