If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm like, not good at living.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
