alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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