found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
