people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
