Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
