Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
