I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize