How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
