Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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