How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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