Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
