I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
