I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
