I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
