Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
