I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize