I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
